so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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