She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
