her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
