The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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