the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
