It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
