just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
