i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize