he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
