I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
