How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
