Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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