Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
