I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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