The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
