You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
