There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
