Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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