there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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