last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize