pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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