But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
