If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
