if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
