carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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