he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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