Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
