Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

You're so nebulous sometimes

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.

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(571): View more from Virginia

Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.

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(925): View more from California

Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.

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(231): View more from Michigan

His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore

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