i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We have so much sex to catch up on
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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