next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
