Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
