I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
