Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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