oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
