The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
