im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
