he thought i was a dude.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
