Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
