please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
