I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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