I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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