Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
