Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
