Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
