im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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