I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
