I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
