dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize