my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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