we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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