hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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