I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
