Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
