new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
