Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
