k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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