Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I understand Curling. That high.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize