So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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