You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
