he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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