This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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