Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
