I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
