So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
