dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
