a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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