and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize