Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
