Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
