well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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