i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
