a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
