just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
