4 words: hood of his car
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
