It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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