I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
