I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
