I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
