Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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