So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
